My Brother, My Brother and Me on an island together

You open your eyes and are met with an expanse of coarse, white sand that stretches off into the distance. It appears you have awoken on a beach, the only sound the ceaseless lapping of the ocean waves at your feet. You arise and begin to notice something else. Something strange and just close enough to discern, a faint voice perhaps... (link:"//what is it you hear?//")[ A rhythmic melody, almost like a man attemping to recreate the tune of a base line ...[["duhnuhnuhnuhnuhduhnuh"|..."duhnuhnuhnuhnuhduhnuh".....]]... A continuous murmur of words too distant to decipher, occasionally broken by silence, as if waiting for a response. If you listen long enough, you can just make out a [["huh...okay!"]] The barely audible, yet oddly distinctive [["CRONCH"]] of a fruit. Perhaps an apple...or something more exotic considering your location. ] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

(enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))The distant voice beckons you from further down the beach. As you venture onward, past rocky outcroppings and clusters of the islands flora, you begin to make sense of the words. "Guess I'll //sea// ya later, huh?" There's a pause, like before, but no one responds. There's only the crashing of the waves. You continue on, following the distinct voice closer inland and away from the water. "This palm tree is so //frondly!// Get it?" You see a bearded man with a dash of purple hair peering up into the leaves of a towering palm. Following his gaze, (link-reveal:"you spot a cluster of brown coco-")[= "Coconuts? More like coco //deez nuts!!!//" The man pivots excitedly not towards you, but towards someone - or something - you hadn't noticed yet. Unfortunately, you see a large pickle adorned with a face. Possibly a plush toy, you think, before you're interrupted by the (link-reveal:"man.")[= "Ohhhh, another survivor is it? I'll let you join my team if you'll answer these three riddles thee!" He looks at you expectantly. The pickle stares with vacant, unblinking eyes. (link-reveal:"//How do you answer?//")[= [["It's my middlest brother Travis McElroy star of my very favorite podcasts My Brother, My Brother, and Me, The Adventure Zone, The McElroy Brothers Will Be In Trolls: World Tour, Bunker Buddies, Positiviteeny!, Interrobang, Trends Like These, Run: A Doctor Who Fancast, In Case of Emergency, Can I Pet Your Dog?, The Kind Rewind, Surprisingly Nice, and Shmanners!" |travis]] [[Turn and leave.]]

Focusing on the intermittent noise, you push your way past some greenery and make your way further inland. It isn't long until you find the source of the sound. Just a guy, an average dude, just your typical 35-year-old boy with hair and glasses. The many pockets of his cargo shorts appear to be laden with varioius Nintendo handheld consoles. He is in the process of consuming something and has not noticed you yet. In his hands, a half eaten unpeeled banana. (link-reveal:"CRONCH")[ He takes a bite of the thick-skinned fruit and the look on his face tells you he is deeply regretting his method of consumption. //How do you approach this man?// [["...hello?"]] [["It's Griffin McElroy from Griffin's Amiibo Corner, a multi-episode series of Griffin voring Amiibos!! :O" |griffin]]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

A pair of sheepish, awkward eyes dart up to meet your own. "oh god, oh no" The banana is quickly tossed aside. "this never happened" He darts deeper into the trees like a startled antelope. [[Pursue, like a deeply parasocial lion.|wait come back]] [[Return to the beach, confused and alone.]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

In a display of raw strength and willpower, Griffin devours the rest of the banana in a single spectacular cronch. A magnificent feat you are proud to bear witness to. "that's it for this episode thank you for watching please like rate and subscribe your friends that's it thats the end of this video stay tuned for the next video see uh see you next time everyone" without another word, the former Forbes 30 under 30 media luminary retreats into the forest. [[wait come back my sweet baby brother|wait come back]] [[Return to the beach, confused and alone.]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

His face lights up even more in delight. "An admirer of my work! Oh ho ho, this is gonna be //quite// the adventure, my good friend!" You almost respond, but he's already set off into the jungle, pickle in hand. [[Follow him.]] [[wait what about my riddles?]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

(enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))(link:"Before you can take more than a step away the man stops you.")[==|amogus>["Hey everybody, for real, playing to frustrate each other is not a fun way to play because we're all on the same team and that team is to have fun together and to make it fun for all our audiences. And so when people make plays just to frustrate each other and just to troll each other, there's enough of that in the world today, of people trolling each other just to be mean and to be hurtful, and if we're gonna play in this space together we need to do it because we want each other to have fun and not because we're trying to frustrate each other, cause there's enough frustrating things in the world right now and there's enough we can't control, and one of the things we can control is that everyone is here to have fun and not waste each others' time and so when we make decisions that are meant to troll each other, that's something that bad people do."] //How do you respond?// Actually, he makes a good point. [[Be a good person and follow him.|Follow him.]] [[Turn and leave with haste.]] (change: ?amogus's chars, via (t8n-delay:pos * 40) + (t8n:'instant'))

You hurry off deeper into the wilderness and don't look back, ignoring the dejected cries that follow you until they eventually fade to nothing. You're alone, but part of you can't help but feel that's for the better. You gather wood, you build fire, you craft a shelter. You sharpen sticks into spears and hunt fish along the shore. You endure loneliness and ennui. You brave rainstorms and sweltering heat, you push back against the elements and nature itself. You forge a life for yourself on this tiny oasis amidst the ocean. You take pride in your self-reliance, depending on no one and living off the bounties of the land. You learn to live without the conveniences of modern society. You touch grass. And you never see that strange man again. It is human nature to survive, but you have managed to //thrive.// The days and weeks pass and rescue never comes. Maybe one day it will, but right now you don't mind. The island is your home now. (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:5s)[=[[Retry?|awake]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

You trail behind him, half listening as he goes on about a camp he's already built and how he's gonna find rescue and all the survival knowledge he definitely has. In a rare moment of peace, you decide to ask about the pickle. "Oh, you mean //Dill//-son? Sir Lord Professor Dillson Esquire in Chief the Fourth? Ruler of all the beasts in all the lands? And Ruler of all the Fish in all the Seas?" Travis gives you a look. Is he waiting for laughter? You're not sure how to respond. "Y'know, like Wilson from Castaway with Tom Hanks? But instead of a //volleyball// he's a //pickle// so he's named //Dill//-son!" //How do you reply?// [["Isn't that just Pickle Rick?"]] [["Why do you have a Pickle Rick plush with you?"]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

[[he already forgot|Follow him.]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

"Don't say that in front of Dillson!" Travis looks back to the plush and whispers, "They didn't mean that, you're Sir Professor Dillson Esquire the fourth to me, buddy." [[Continue]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

Travis ends up leading you to a cozy clearing a short distance from the beach. Though you have no supplies, aside from Dillson who Travis refuses to "kill", you manage to scrape by with what meager materials you gather. Travis appoints himself leader within hours of establishing a camp. He cobbles together a shelter and tools, you gather food and other resources from the land. The days are difficult and the nights are cold, but you are never alone. The constant chatter might be helping to keep you sane. (link:"...Or maybe not. ")[== Sometimes the two of you pick through the sea trash that washes ashore every so often. You fashion new tools out of metal scrap and adorn your base with colorful plastic waste. Travis scribbles down "trans rights" on a leaf and sends it out to sea in an empty Mountain Dew bottle. He assures you someone will find it someday. As time passes you find it impossible to keep track of the days. All you know is that rescue still hasn't come and food is becoming more and more of a struggle to find. Sitting underneath a shoddy lean-to with Travis tending the fire nearby, (link-reveal:"you ponder your choices...")[ (text-colour:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.8))[ [[eat travis]] [[eat dillson]] ] (animate:?passage's links, "rumble")] (change: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

consuming the raw comedic energy that exists within the confines of his body overtakes you and kills you almost instantly, but for a brief moment you are the funniest person alive (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:3s)[=[[Retry?|awake]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

In a moment of hunger induced delirium, you attempt to eat the cotton-stuffed fabric pickle. You are instantly tackled, like a Best Buy employee to a shoplifter, and summarily "voted off the island" for "pickle crimes." Banished to the far side of the island and alone for the first time in possibly months, (link-reveal:"you attempt to flag down a passing ship.")[ In a stroke of luck, the vessel sees your distress signal and approaches. Unfortunately, it's captained by [[Jesse Thorn.]] ] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

The curious tune lures you along the shoreline and the terrain turns rockier. Kinda craggy. Amidst the tidepools and pitted earth, you spot a figure observing something in the sand. It looks like a man clad in tropical-patterned clothing. Again, he sings, "Duhnuhnuh nuhnuh duhnuh!" And then suddenly, ''"I WANNA MUNCH!" '' //How do you respond?// [["SQUAD!"]] [[Confused silence.]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

"BUH NAHNAH NUHNAHNUHNAH NEHNEHNAHNEH NAH NEH NUH!" He finishes the riff and points dramatically at his feet, a large crab scuttles away into the tide. "Welcome to Munch Squad! It‘s a podcast upon a deserted island, highlighting the latest and greatest in quick service restaurant innovation. This just in! McDonalds launches the new...//McCrabcake!//" He lets out a cackle and barely manages to continue, (font: "Courier New")["CHESTER, Md. (AP) _ Hold the lettuce, hold the mayo, forget the ketchup and the pickle. Here comes McDonald’s ″McCrabcake.″ The fast food giant has begun selling the little patties, famous in Maryland, at 23 outlets this summer on the Eastern Shore of the Chesapeake Bay. But not everyone is happy about the crab cake’s grab at the bigtime. ″It’s all over, forget it; this is a sad, sad state of affairs,″ said Tom Swearman, who catches crabs in the Wye River. Swearman and other skeptics packed a McDonald’s on Kent Island at noontime Thursday to see how McDonald’s version stacks up against their homespun favorites. Some of the crab cake aficionados said the fast-food version was ″really pretty tasty″ and ″better than I expected,″ but others were not so generous. Swearman’s wife, Marge, said she would order one again if she was ″desperate and penniless.″] He interrupts himself with a wheezing laugh at that statment. (font: "Courier New")["The McCrabcake is served on the same buns used for Big Macs and has the basic crab taste of Maryland crab cakes, but with little of the spicy zing. They sell for $2.99. The Queenstown company that supplies McDonald’s with the 2.75-ounce frozen crab patties is hoping the product takes off. ″Hey that’s how the fish sandwich got its start. They sold them in a McDonald’s in Cincinnati on Friday, when people couldn’t eat meat,″ said Joseph L. Bernard, president of Wye River Inc. He said the crab cakes, which contain crab meat as well as mustard, mayonnaise, cracker crumbs and special seasoning, are deep fired in the same way the company cooks its french fries. ″It’s a fabulous crab cake, a classy crab cake,″ Bernard said."] Justin fights to hold back a giggle, but pushes on, (font: "Courier New")["Pending positive customer feedback, the Crab Sandwich will be available at nearly 250 McDonald's restaurants across the San Francisco Bay Area later this year!" ] He dissolves into a fit of laughter and wipes a tear from his eye. You give him a few minutes to recover. [[Did he have that entire press release memorized?]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

"Uh...ok, guess no one is gonna...finish that." He sighs and stands up. "Anyway, I've got, uh, got a new press release here! I'll just...read it now..." //Do you stop him?// [[Stop him as quickly as you can by introducing yourself]] [[Actually, Munch Squad is my favorite bit :)|"SQUAD!"]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

"oh jesus christ you can't just sneak up on people like that" He says in a huff, before quietly composing himself. "Uh, good to see other people though! Here...on this...deserted island...in the middle of the ocean....." He seems a bit deflated. Maybe you shoulda let him do his Munch Squad bit. [[relent and let him do the bit |"SQUAD!"]] [[absolutely not]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

He crumples up a piece of paper from his shirt pocket and tosses it into the ocean. "Ah, another banger from QSR Magazine has brought joy to dozens of listeners." The wind blows it back before it can hit the water, but Justin doesn't seem to notice. "Okay, well, that killed some time." He looks around the beach. "Guess we should probably...set up a camp or something?" He shrugs, looking to you. [[Set up a camp or something]] [[actually fuck this]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

Justin, unable to share the buckwild press release he found, walks into the ocean and is never seen from again. You, however, are seen from again. As luck would have it, a fishing vessel passes by shortly after Justins descent into the abyss. The fishermen say they're catching fish for Taco Bell's new Crispy Fish Taco, available in eight restaurants nationwide! Oh, if only Justin were here, he would have loved this. (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:3s)[=[[Retry?|awake]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

You decide on a nearby spot just at the edge of the trees to set up and trek into the jungle in search of materials for a fire. Sticks, branches, and kindling are gathered and subsequently lit thanks to a lighter Justin provides. Seemingly inspired by the progress, he hunts the island for food. He brings back berries, pineapples, coconuts, bananas, papayas and more. He has a wacky press release to share about each one as you enjoy the harvest by the crackling fire. You are cajoled by every Jimmy Buffet song imaginable, Island Boy's dulcet tones lulling you to sleep night after night... But the days, or maybe even weeks, pass and your sources of food begin to dwindle. Morale plummets. You hear Justin mumble that his BlueApron box will be here any minute. When you sleep, your dreams are filled with quick service restaurant creations, yearning for Domino's BurgerPizza or (link-reveal:"even an Arby's Meat Carrot.")[ (text-colour:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.8))[[[eat justin|eat justin]]] (text-colour:(hsl:90,0.8039,0.5,0.8))[[[Enter coupon code "mybrother" at checkout for 10% off your next HelloFresh order!|leave in search of food]] ](animate:?passage's links, "rumble")] (change: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

As you turn and leave you hear him say that he's "really sunsetting the Munch Squad bit for real this time, c'mon, don't be like that." But the voice fades and you are alone again. Determined to not waste anymore time, you build up a little fire at the edge of the trees and gather a few fruits before nightfall. Though alone and a little chilly, it's a quiet, peaceful night and you begin feel just a bit calmer. But off in the distance...is that footsteps? [[...is someone else here?|he]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

Although Justin claimed to be busy with the folded press releases he calls his "children", you find him napping in the sun. Surely an easy attack, but it turns out the oldest brother is also the wisest. His martial arts training kicks in and your plan is foiled. You die as Justin performs the "forbidden move." (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:3s)[=[[Retry?|awake]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

You leave camp and wander the jungle, hoping to find something, //anything//. Maybe a fresh ready-to-cook meal delivered right to your door... Maybe even...a friend? There's a figure in the distance, through the fog. He has a friendly face and is waving you over. [[Join him]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

(t8n:"fade")[ You stumble towards the man. His white beard and kind eyes beckon you closer. "Is that you god?" you ask, weary from hunger. (link-reveal:"The man chuckles.")[ "No, it's just me. Clint McElroy." You enjoy a simple meal of roasted sea bass together beside a comforting campfire. He shares stories and tales of comic books, radio, and laughter. You ask how he also got stranded here, on this island you now share together. He chuckles and says he's not stranded. He's got his massive hog and that's all he needs to get back home. It's awfully bouyant after all. Content, you close your eyes and rest for tomorrows journey. (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:3s)[=[[Retry?|awake]] ] ] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

(text-style:"bold","italic","expand","buoy")+(t8n:"fade-down")+(t8n-time:3s)+(text-color:#fdf3a1)[My Brother, My Brother, and Me on an island together] (text-style:"subscript")[Choose your own adventure :)] (transition-arrive:"fade-up")+(t8n-time:6s)[[Play|awake]] (change:?page,(background:#153974)) (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

Your well-dressed savior stares you down from the bow of his yacht. You explain your situation in a rush of words and plead for a rescue from this hell. He permits you to board the vessel and doesn't speak until the island is but a speck on the horizon. Jesse Thorn turns to you, twirling the end of his mustache for dramatic flair. "Now, before I allow you to return to civilization, I must ask just one simple question of you. Tell me, are you a new or upgrading Maximum Fun donor?" //How do you respond?// [["Of course Podcast Daddy, 1/3 of my monthly salary goes towards my membership!" |yes papa]] [["No." ]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

Jesse Thorn nods sagely and gives you a look of approval. "Welcome to the family." You sail home together and as the sun sets over the horizon, Jesse Thorn criticizes your island fashion and recounts to you a list of his top ten very favorite sterling silver money clips that pair perfectly with his 14k gold dual patterned cufflinks. It's hours later and in the midst of the vast ocean that you remember Travis. You figure it would be awkward if you brought it up now and remain silent. You never tell anyone about your time spent with Travis McElroy on that accursed island and you carry that secret for the rest of your life. (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:3s)[=[[Retry?|awake]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

"Ah, freeloading scum. So be it then." Deemed unworthy of rescue, you are quickly ushered away and forced to (link-reveal: "walk the plank. ")[ The ocean is cold and uncaring, much like your uncharitable heart. You have no use for all the money you saved from not donating, as now the glass sharks, blink sharks, and loan sharks circle beneath your helpless, lonely body. In the distance, you hear Jesse Thorn laugh. (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:3s)[=[[Retry?|awake]] ] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

You trek through the jungle, but see no sign of the elusive banana man until the next day. Outside the entrance of a shallow cave you spot Griffin McElroy attempting to polish his glasses. He quickly apologizes for the awkward introduction earlier and the two of you ponder your predicament. Eventually, you both set forth and begin establishing a proper camp. Using the cave as a shelter, a modest fire is soon erected just outside the threshold. Griffin stockpiles bananas and coconuts, you dive for clams and spear fish. You learn about each others interests and hobbies as you reminisce about the old days back in the real world. You talk about video games and obscure 90's movies, you talk about friends and (link-reveal:"talk about dreams.")[ Griffin mentions offhand that the island and unexpected freetime has refueled his inspiration for DND. After crafting makeshift dice out of rocks and seashells, you ask him to DM a short game for you. In the warmth of the fire and beneath the stars, he obliges. (text-colour:#fdf3a1)[["Welcome to Balance II"|"welcome to balance II"]] (text-colour:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.8))[[eat griffin]] ](change: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

You make your way down the sandy strip of land partitioning the water from the vast jungle. It's lonely out here, lost in blue, with only the island soundscape to keep you company. You're hungry and alone. And just when things couldn't get any worse, the sky quickly darkens as thick storm clouds [[roll in from the east.]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

Griffin clears his throat and begins. (t8n-arrive:"slide-up")+(t8n-time:8s)[["We pan up."]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

"Roll initiative." (link-style: (text-colour:#fdcf4e))[(link: "ROLL DICE ")[ You rolled a (random:1,20).]] (more:)[[[Continue.|rolled]]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

"The goblins collectively sigh in relief and lower their weapons." Griffin smiles and puts on a goofy voice. "//Oh thank god// you didn't try to kill us. I'm Steve, this is my little brother Jerry and our good pal Stephen. We were trying to visit Stephen's grandma, but we lost our ding dang map! Can you believe it! Anyway, what are you up to, stranger?" //How does $name respond?// [["Hail and well met my fellow travellers! I am on a mission to retrieve a lost artifact from the nearby caves. However, it would bring me immense pleasure to aid you on your journey as well! Tell me what you know of Stephen's grandma's house and I will do my best to guide you there. You have my word." |helicopter]] [[Unsheath your sword and attack. This is an obvious ploy to catch you off guard.|helicopter]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

"The taller goblin of the three gets into a defensive stance and casts fireball directly at $name. Roll for damage." (link-style: (text-colour:#fdcf4e))[(link: "ROLL DICE ")[ You rolled a (random:1,20).]] (more:)[[[Continue.|2]]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

"The fire instantly sets your highly flammable cloak ablaze, burning $name to ash in seconds. The Ravenous Blob devours the land in the following months, dooming this realm forever." He looks solemnly into the actual flames before you and changes back to his normal human voice. "Aw beans, you didn't make it! That's a real shame, you were going to be amazing. Welp, you know what they say, if you die in the game you die for real." You chuckle, a little awkwardly, but Griffin is silent. Suddenly, you are shoved into the fire, joining $name in death as Griffin, your best friend, survivor buddy, and dungeon master cackles over the roar of the flames. (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:3s)[=[[Retry?|awake]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

(enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))Before Griffin can properly describe the resulting scene, the distant sound of a helicopter echoes through the trees. Awash with hope, the two of you sprint to the beach. A spotlight shines down and illuminates your waving figures. (link-reveal:"A ladder unfurls from the aircraft.")[ You climb up to safety after Griffin. Cheers ring out from across the globe. Griffin McElroy has been found. The McElroy Family Franchise has been saved for a little bit longer. MBMBAM can continue once again. Everything is right in the world. (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:3s)[=[[Retry?|awake]] ]

wait wait wait are you really gonna cannabalize that sweet good, good boy? you're not even low on food or anything :( (text-colour:(hsl:0,0.8039,0.5,0.8))[[I WANNA MUNCH]] (text-colour:#fdcf4e)[[i could never i just wanted to see what this option was |no]]

[[ok good let's go play balance two|"welcome to balance II"]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

Despite your attempt to ambush the sweet good boy, he expertly parries the attack and you are bludgeoned to death by a Game Boy Color™. You are consumed whole, much like an Amiibo. (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:3s)[=[[Retry?|awake]] (change: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

"His //NAME// is //DILLSON.//" He shoots you a sharp look. "And I found him on the beach after I woke up and now we are friends." [[Continue]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

"Ooohh, is that the delicious, husky smoke of a campfire I smell?" A strange voice with an absolutely indescernible accent rises from the undergrowth of the forest. You look behind you and see the silhouette of an approaching man. "Mmmmmmm and the sweet, delectable undertones of a banana fruit, yes that is what I am //talking about!//" [["who are you"]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

"Me?" The man laughs and steps into the light of your fire. It's...Justin? "Ooooh, I am //Richard Stink// baby!" No, that's definitely Justin. "And I am here to elevate your fragrance game!" [[shoo him away]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

You get halfway through a mild criticism of his podcast before he vanishes just as quickly as he appeared. You wait for a bit, but don't think he's coming back. It's been a long day, you should [[get some rest.]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

(text-style:"blurrier")["Hello? Ah...are you...asleep?"] A strange voice invades your (link-reveal: "dreams.")[ (text-style:"blur")["Ahem...it is I! ...oh hachi machi don't be dead"] [[Open your eyes and greet the stranger]] [[die]] ] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

"Oh!" You sit up from your spot in the sand and blearily look around for the voice. "Vell, good morning! May I be allowed into your...encampment?" It sounds like a bad Dracula impression. You look over your shoulder and a figure emerges from behind a tree. "I am //Count Donut!//" (link-reveal:"It's Justin again.")[ "But do not vorry, I am not here for your...blood." Justin walks over and sits down awkwardly next to your dwindling fire. "I have reformed. You see, I must consume human foods now. Perhaps you could...show me vhere to find these? Or maybe a you know a vay to get back to...donutvania?" [[abandon your camp, you can start over somewhere else on the island. somewhere //he// can't find you.|flee]] [[//sigh//, ok you can stay Justin|stay]] ] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

you die out of sheer spite alone (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:1s)[=[[Retry?|awake]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

You stand up and leave. The island is big and you spend a hour or so trekking along the beach, trying to put some distance between you and Justin. You fear what the next character he creates will be. You stop to rest at the edge of the sand, hoping for swift rescue. As if on cue, a large vessel speeds up from the horizon. A boat! [[Is this the salvation you've been waiting for?]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

(enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))No. It's a ship full of circlejerkers, with Bingus at the helm leading the charge. In an instant you know that they are here with only one goal in mind. To single-handedly bring down the McElroy family podcasting empire and maybe even Maxiumum Fun too. They are not here to save you, but rather to banish this infernal island into the deepest pits of hell itself. To finally put an end to this cycle of suffering and McElboys once and for all. (link-reveal:"Unfortunately, you're just collateral.")[= Their parasocial energy beam strikes the beach and splits the island in twain. The landmass sinks into the ocean depths, dragging you down with it. You can only hope that some featureless fish person from the Ethersea will come along and rescue you. (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:5s)[=[[Retry?|awake]]

Maybe this is a sign you should head inland, maybe the tropical canopy will help shelter you from the coming storm. Or maybe it's better to simply accept your fate and die from exposure as god intended. As you consider past mistakes that could have led you here and the many hours of your precious fleeting life you've wasted on middling podcasts, a bright beam of sunlight shines upon you. You look up and see the clouds above you have parted. A figure emerges and beckons to you. It's visage is unsightly and quite honestly horrific, but it does kinda resemble a...magician? Like some sort of [[wizard of the cloud.......]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

The Wizard of the Cloud reaches down from the heavens and plucks you from the ground, much like you would a Mii in the Mii Plaza. You are brought into the Wizard's domain, an unearthly castle amongst the clouds. He lounges upon his throne and asks you, "What do you bring as an offering for the Wizard?" //What do you offer?// A Wikihow article titled [["How to Grow Big Tomatoes"|big]] A Wikihow article titled [["How to Poop at Work"|poop]] A Quora asking [["Is it theoretically possible to unbake a cake?"|quora]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

The Wizard nods and the slightest smile graces his lips. "This is a good selection. Tomatoes are already humourous, but //big// tomatoes?" He chuckles to himself. "//Very// funny." Pleased with your offering, the Wizard gently lowers you and returns you to our earthly realm. He does plop you down on another deserted island in the middle of a different ocean, but at least the looming threat of McElvore is gone. (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:3s)[=[[Retry?|awake]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

With a great smile, the Wizard nods. "A fantastic selection. A rich vein of comedy lies within this very article. Do you see this drawing of a man on a toilet? No? Well, I assure you it's //very// funny." Pleased with both the offering and the incredible well of humor that clearly lies within you, the Wizard graciously allows you to reside in his sky castle permenantly. You become his court jester, partially against your will. You're not exactly sure how to return back to land from up here in the clouds. But at least you're given room and board in exchange for your inhuman ability to select the funniest Wikihow articles known to mankind. (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:3s)[=[[Retry?|awake]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

The Wizard shakes his head, a grim look on his bearded face. "A poor choice indeed. You should know that Wikihow articles are simply the best form of podcast comedy fodder." The clouds beneath your feet open up and swallow you. You plummet into the depths of hell, earning a spot betwixt Bean Dad and the ghost of Yahoo! Answers. (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:3s)[=[[Retry?|awake]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

(enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))"Nooo, this is Count Donut! Justin is dead and I have inhabited his corpse! But I shall accept your invitation anyvay." You eventually convince Justin to drop the character after declaring that "jokes have left the room" and the two of you head into the shallow reefs of the ocean as the tide recedes. Though you spend the better part of an hour scrounging through the sharp rocks and corals for seafood, you come up empty handed. But from downshore where Justin is relaxing in the water you hear a (link-reveal:"cry.")[= (size:1.25)["SHRIMP."] (link-reveal:"Huh?")[= (size:1.5)[''"HEAVEN."''] (link-reveal:"What's he yelling about?")[= (size:2)+(text-style:"bold", "italic")["NOW!!!"] [[check on Justin]]

You wade over to where Justin is kneeling in the sand, clutching a handful of shrimps raised above his head. "It's shrimp time baby!" He waves the fistful of shrimps at you. [[I guess it's shrimp time.]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

(enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))You roast the tiny crustaceans over the fire together, Justin chatting excitedly about woodworking and quick service restaurant innovations. The shrimp discovery really seems to have brought his energy back. Justin bites into one first, savouring the flavor loudly and with some rather unpleasant mouth sounds. (link-reveal:"You try one next.")[= Unfortunately, you find yourself suddenly unable to breathe. You're not sure if you're choking or if it's a latent shellfish allergy emerging at the worst possible time, but it's not looking great for you. Justin says this is "really killing Island Boy's vibe" and that you're "being kind of a bummer." It seems like Sydnee's medical skills haven't rubbed off on him at all. As you perish, you hear Justin sigh loudly. You've really inconvenienced him. (t8n:"fade-up")+(t8n-delay:3s)[=[[Retry?|awake]]

"It's a bright and sunny day in Fantasy Village, but there is an evil lurking deep within the bowels of this world. Townsfolk fear what they believe to be their enemy, dragons and bugbears, drows and wights. But unbeknownst to them, a truer and much more fearsome evil is preparing to destroy their very realm. A great and incomprehensible force that feels nothing, not empathy nor rage, but only hunger." The fire casts dramatic, dancing shadows over his face. "But you're something else. You're special and though the odds seem stacked against you, you alone have the power within to fight back the forces of fate and become the champion of time. But right now? You are merely a humble adventurer in search of fortune." He pauses. "What is your name?" [[Decide.]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

He nods. "Very good. You step outside and feel the midday breeze on your face. We pan up. The road is open and ready for adventure. But before you can get far, a trio of goblins ambush you from the trees." He looks up from the fire and at you. "What does $name do?" [[I unsheath my steel broadsword, my family's history engraved upon every inch of the sturdy metal, and I prepare to attack.|fight]] [[I try to appear as nonthreatening as possible and ask them if they speak common.|talk]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))

(set: $name to (prompt: "What is your name?", "", "", "Confirm")) Griffin nods in approval. "Our story begins in a familiar inn, just off the well-beaten path into town. $name has been tasked with retrieving the Sacrificial Greaves of Mandolin from the Glistening Maw caves. You approach the door and push it open." Griffin looks to you and says, "Roll a dexterity saving throw." (link-style: (text-colour:#fdcf4e))[(link: "ROLL DICE ")[ You rolled a (random:1,20).]] (more:)[[[Continue|roll]]] (enchant: ?link, (text-colour:#fdcf4e))